There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
