Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
Wherever you go, there you are.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
I eat problems, then shit out success.
Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Take it easy, give it hard.
My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
