Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
