Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
Trust in God but lock your car.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.