Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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