Aspire to inspire before you expire.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Born to be different, like everyone else.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
Love needs to get glasses.
The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.