If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
True friends stab you in the front!
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
Haters are just confused admirers.
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