Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
Be positive for no reason.
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
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