I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.