Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
Make money, don't let it make you.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
© 2016 EpicQuotes |