I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.
It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.
That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
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