Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
Wherever you go, there you are.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
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