I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
Make money, don't let it make you.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
© 2016 EpicQuotes |