I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Everybody is a student for life.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.