I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
Cool story bro, changed my life.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
If you can't beat them, taze them.