The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
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