Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.
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