Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
Everybody spread positivity.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
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