If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
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