Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
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