If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
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