Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
Born to be different, like everyone else.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
Take it easy, give it hard.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.