That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
Trust in God but lock your car.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
© 2017 EpicQuotes |