We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
