If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
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