Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....