Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.
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