Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
True friends stab you in the front!
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
Everybody is a student for life.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
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