The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
Everybody is a student for life.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.
Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
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