Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
F that B.
You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
