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So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.

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Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.

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Patience gets you everywhere on time.

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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

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If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

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Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.

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That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...

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I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.

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Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.

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Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.

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I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.

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We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.

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It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.

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Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

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Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.