I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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