Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Wherever you go, there you are.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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