The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
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