Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
F that B.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Playing comes first, you can work later.
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
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