"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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