I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
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