Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
© 2014 EpicQuotes |