If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
Would you like a table? ... "No, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground, a carpet for 5 please." -_-
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
Take it easy, give it hard.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
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