The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
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