The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.