You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
Take it easy, give it hard.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
