Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.