Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
Everybody is a student for life.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
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