Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
The awkward moment when people are complaining about the sizes of their nose when Voldemort's in the room.
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