The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
I eat problems, then shit out success.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
