The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
Perception is everything.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
