Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
We put the "us" in trust, baby.
