An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
