Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
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