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Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.

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"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."

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Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.

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It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.

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I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

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Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.

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The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.

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Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.

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I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.

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Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.

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If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.

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I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.

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Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.

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I swear to drunk I'm not god.