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Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.

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I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".

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My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.

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You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?

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Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...

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It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...

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Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.

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Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

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Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.

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If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.

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I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory