I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
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