I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
You live and you learn.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.