Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Wild hearts can't be broken.
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.
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