You're never too old to learn something stupid.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
The last thing I want to do is die.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.
Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.
Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
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