Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
Cool story bro, changed my life.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
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