Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
Take it easy, give it hard.
Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.
You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
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