If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
We put the "us" in trust, baby.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
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