Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
The world is full of guys, be a man.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
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