Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.
Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
I eat problems, then shit out success.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
The world is full of guys, be a man.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
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