Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
© 2013 EpicQuotes |